Putting my Dreams on Hold

Re-discovering writing saved me. It helped me to have something to do with all that was going on in my mind.

Unemployment can cause a person to experience a variety of emotions; most of them negative, but for me, it was almost exciting.

It gave me the chance to explore new opportunities and was another chance to reinvent myself.

After almost 3 years of it, I think I was finally reaching a place of self-discovery where everything was starting to make sense. My goals became clearer and I had more moments of hope that this venture was going to pay the bills.

Then, as life often happens, everything changed.

This morning I begin training for a job that I honestly don't want. I have to suck it up and do what I need to do because honestly, the money just hasn't been good enough for me to continue on the path that I was on.

Although I have learned a lot in the past 2 1/2+ years, I haven't been able to put into place all these lessons. My chance is over and now I regrettably must re-enter a world where I was never happy.

The world I must re-enter is that of punching a clock.

I am a free spirit. I am also a rebellious spirit.

I am also a woman who lives in sometimes severe chronic pain and the idea of having to work a full time job and cope with that pain, well, I just don't know how I am going to manage.

So, why am I even trying?

Sometimes in life you get to a place where you must let go of your dreams. You have to face the reality of your "real" life situation and do what you must to survive.

I will miss the freedom that I have had these past years.

I have made many friends online and learned an awful lot about life.

I know that many of them are able to do both. They work outside the home and still manage to write. Unfortunately I do not see that happening to me. There just will not be the time.

Because of my disability, the stress of work will probably exhaust me as it did in the past. I am not superwoman and I cannot do it all. I may be able to write a blog post now and again but that is about it.

I am sad. I don't want to give up my writing, my Etsy store, my craft making but there just isn't enough hours in the day.

As I write this blog post, I realize that I do not have much of a following and when my web presence disappears, not too many people will even notice.

It doesn't matter. Writing is therapeutic and I need to have my say.

It may sound self-pitying and I certainly do not want pity. I am just disappointed with the way things have turned out for me. I am scared about the near future and not happy about having to give up what I have enjoyed in order to take orders from a boss, doing stuff that in the grand scheme of things means nothing.

I hope that I touched many with my articles ( feedback tells me I did) and that meant everything to me. I may not have gotten rich doing it, but it meant so much to help someone.

Life is full of changes and the best I can do is to put on a good attitude and look at this new change as a new adventure.