My Escape

Since starting a work-from-home position 11 days ago, I have had a lot of trouble trying to balance it with writing. I was forced to take a temp position as a call center rep because I just wasn't earning enough money with my writing and other self-employment projects. That depressed me greatly almost as much as how hard it has been to find employment. When I got offered this CSR position, I had to jump on it without considering what I was getting myself into. But again, I didn't have many options. For months now I have seen how other "writers" bragged about how well they are doing on this site and that. I wonder how true their claims are. It made me examine just how hard I have tried to "make it" as a web content writer. My friend Dena and I used to challenge each other to keep each other focused on treating our writing as a job and always pushing to be better and therefore, hopefully earn more views which would mean more money. Well, Dena is gone now as most of my online writing friends (and others) know. Dena dying shook me up more than I thought possible. My motivation disappeared for a while with my grief and depression. I felt lost. As many web content writers know, although you earn money from residual pay, keeping an online presence is essential to earning money. After Dena died, I slowly disappeared from the web. I wasn't writing as much or promoting or participating. Getting back into the swing of it all has been tough. It hurt my monthly income and soon I had no choice but to focus on getting a "real" job. The party was over. What I had worked so hard at for 2 years disappeared because I didn't publish daily. Maybe I am just reaching a turning point in my life...I don' t know. I know that mentally, emotionally and spiritually, I need to write. Writing is still my escape. At one time I thought maybe it would replace the paycheck that I lost nearly 3 years ago. Life got in the way and now, I have to re-examine my efforts and make a choice. I will never stop writing but maybe I will have to give up the dream of earning a living from it. Or at least being able to pay some of the bills from it. Life is always changing and in order to survive you have to learn how to roll with the changes. Maybe it is just a crossroads that I am at now. Time will tell.